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Matthew Sloane's avatar

Readers, got any good book or movie recommendations about transforming revenge urges into something life-affirming? (like one for us parents and one for the kiddos?)

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James Bailey's avatar

Such an exquisite essay Matthew. Thank you for creating it and putting it out into the world. And for creating enlightened human beings.

I published what might be an adult version of the same theme two weeks ago - featuring the power of restorative justice.

https://open.substack.com/pub/onmoneyandmeaning/p/peter-and-linda-biehl-story-of-forgiveness?r=3bqj2&utm_medium=ios&utm_campaign=post

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Matthew Sloane's avatar

Thank you so much, James. And I just saved your post to give my attention when I'm back online 🙏

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James Bailey's avatar

I think you’ll like it.

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Matthew Sloane's avatar

Loved it. Restacked it. Highly recommend your essay to anyone perusing this comment thread 🙏

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James Bailey's avatar

Thank you Matthew.

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Christine Ahh's avatar

Thank you for this essay. 🙏🏼 Sharing stories of alternatives to conflict gives me hope for human evolution. Especially: How beautifully you trusted your daughter to find her own way, with a few key prompts. Asking her what feels like a better outcome than the destructive stories we're fed. You've shown me how to be a better listener and (elder) person who cares about serving and thoughtfully, minimally guiding the next generation.

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Matthew Sloane's avatar

So glad this landed well with you, Christine 🙏 and thank you for sharing what you are taking away!

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Jeff Yasinchuk's avatar

What I appreciate most about this approach, Matthew, is that you are inviting your daughter to be curious about the experiences (energy) of others, and ultimately recognize that what is out of her control (which most things) is not her responsibility. Curiosity requires compassion; a compassion to seek to understand first. Much easier said than practiced...

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Matthew Sloane's avatar

Thank you, Jeff 🙏

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Dan Ehrenkrantz's avatar

Nice post! I wonder whether there’s an age/development process that needs to take place. Fairy tales tend to be violent with the evil character vanquished rather than rehabilitated. My guess is this is about human psychological need rather than an inability to imagine something other than revenge. But eventually we move beyond fairy tales. And maybe that’s when the transition needs to happen. But vanquishing vs. reconciling remains a common trope at all ages. Not the only trope, but a common one. Thanks for this!

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Matthew Sloane's avatar

Good point, Dan. I remember reading a book called Killing Monsters a ways back that made the case for imaginary violence as part of play and how important it was for kids to experience a sense of power through that kind of play. I'm going to sit with this as there's some middle ground here that I haven't quite put my finger on. Maybe it is as you said about a developmental phase.

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Christine Ahh's avatar

Haven't we also seen little kids be very altruistic? I wonder if temperament, nature and nurture also play a role.

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